the end

the title of this post is the end. instead of focusing on a "new beginning" for 2009, i am going to focus on the end of a very rough year. i didn't blog at all in 2008 and i am very happy that i didn't. it is a year that i would like to completely forget all together. in one year i lost 5 people that i loved with all my heart; 2 of them will forever have it, 2 of them i wish i had never given it to them and the last will never lose it again. with that being said, i will lock the events of 2008 -both good and bad- in a box and burry it in the deep abyss of my soul.

now that i have gotten through the dramatics, i can begin to write about the true reason why i have returned to blogging. initially, i just wanted to start journaling again. i even went journal shopping today. when i thought about it, i figured blogging would be so much easier, especially on my fingers. maybe i'll be more consistent this way. around 2007, i met a group of women who blog. some of them have been dedicated bloggers for 2 years now. i wonder if i could ever be that committed to entertaining a bunch of strangers? i doubt it. i've come to accept that i don't like people. especially new ones. and i've also come to accept that people don't like me. and i am okay with that. i digress. digressing will be a reoccurring theme.

this is for me. i hope to find it as therapeutic as writing in a traditional journal. i also hope to be able to look back on this at the end of the year and reflect on my growth.

right now, it is 1:15 am i am up. i cannot sleep. i'm thinking about a few things:
(1) i have adapted NBP's bad habit of being a night owl. i now stay up super late and sleep in until around 2 o'clock in the afternoon.
(2) i cannot sleep in tomorrow this morning. i start a new project and i am somewhat excited about it. i am excited about the opportunity and all, but not excited enough to have ironed my clothes and prepare my briefcase.
(3) i have a ton of work to do. i absolutely cannot mope around and indulge myself in self-pity any longer. it's the end to that too. i have got to crank out these kid's applications and deliver the things i promised.
(4) my foot is falling asleep.

and now, it is the end of this post. i think i've gotten enough off my mind for now and maybe i will be able to go to sleep. if i cannot sleep, i guess i'll go exercise.