one down, many more to go

my first week went by really fast. i think i hit the ground running. and i hope the man agrees. right now all i want to do is focus on working hard. i want to work hard, learn hard and excel far. i know i can do it and i know he wants me to do it. so right now, my future there is up to me. i cannot fuck this up.

i've noticed that i've become intolerant to bullshit and stupidity. looking back, i realize this is a recent phenomena because i really used to entertain some bullshit and stupidity in the past. the key thing that has me thinking about this was my conversation with l this morning about my non-family. she asked me if i regretted the whole thing happening in the first place. absolutely not. they are full of shit. all the non sense and unforgivable things that has happened in the past has been completely swept under the carpet. for them to harp on the incident between g and i is their decision. to me, they are dead.

i better go and get my day started. lots to do!

the end

the title of this post is the end. instead of focusing on a "new beginning" for 2009, i am going to focus on the end of a very rough year. i didn't blog at all in 2008 and i am very happy that i didn't. it is a year that i would like to completely forget all together. in one year i lost 5 people that i loved with all my heart; 2 of them will forever have it, 2 of them i wish i had never given it to them and the last will never lose it again. with that being said, i will lock the events of 2008 -both good and bad- in a box and burry it in the deep abyss of my soul.

now that i have gotten through the dramatics, i can begin to write about the true reason why i have returned to blogging. initially, i just wanted to start journaling again. i even went journal shopping today. when i thought about it, i figured blogging would be so much easier, especially on my fingers. maybe i'll be more consistent this way. around 2007, i met a group of women who blog. some of them have been dedicated bloggers for 2 years now. i wonder if i could ever be that committed to entertaining a bunch of strangers? i doubt it. i've come to accept that i don't like people. especially new ones. and i've also come to accept that people don't like me. and i am okay with that. i digress. digressing will be a reoccurring theme.

this is for me. i hope to find it as therapeutic as writing in a traditional journal. i also hope to be able to look back on this at the end of the year and reflect on my growth.

right now, it is 1:15 am i am up. i cannot sleep. i'm thinking about a few things:
(1) i have adapted NBP's bad habit of being a night owl. i now stay up super late and sleep in until around 2 o'clock in the afternoon.
(2) i cannot sleep in tomorrow this morning. i start a new project and i am somewhat excited about it. i am excited about the opportunity and all, but not excited enough to have ironed my clothes and prepare my briefcase.
(3) i have a ton of work to do. i absolutely cannot mope around and indulge myself in self-pity any longer. it's the end to that too. i have got to crank out these kid's applications and deliver the things i promised.
(4) my foot is falling asleep.

and now, it is the end of this post. i think i've gotten enough off my mind for now and maybe i will be able to go to sleep. if i cannot sleep, i guess i'll go exercise.